Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Conversation in the shower

I had an interesting exchange with a spider in the shower this morning...

"Hey, what are you doing? Crawl back in the corner where you belong!"

"You better not drop on me."

"I'm serious! Get back in the corner...I'll blow on you! I swear to god I'll blow on you!"

::blowing on the spider::

"That's better."

"What are you doing now? Don't crawl down the wall, dammit! You'll just end up landing in the tub and getting washed down the drain...don't be that spider. Don't be such a stereotype."

He ended up crawling behind the multitude of shampoos, conditioners, moisturizers, lotions and various other bottles that women seem to need in copious amounts. Boy, won't Sy be in for a surprise when she reaches for the conditioner tomorrow morning...

Monday, January 16, 2006

Just what is he trying to hide???

I've started a new blog dedicated to snowmen. What I didn't expect was that the people who live in the homes whose yards these snowcreatures inhabit would be almost as entertaining as the snowmen themselves.

For instance, the other day I was returning to a snowman I'd photographed a few days previously. This snowman had been tipped over, dislodging his eyes and nose, and I was returning to further document his withering away. I took a couple of steps into the yard, making sure to only step where others had left tracks. I stood over the snow-corpse. He semmed to have melted a little since my last visit, and his remains were barely recognizable, just a few scattered lumps in the yard.

So I set up the picture, trying to rememeber the various angles in which I took the original photos. I was about ready to take the first picture when I heard a noise come from the house. I looked up and saw a man opening the window.

"Excuse me...what are you doing?" he asked.

"Oh...I'm just taking a picture of your snowman."

He stared at me incredulously, like I was pissing in his yard.

"I take pictures of snowmen in the area...I kind of document their lives."

"I'm gonna have to ask you to leave now."

"Ok," I say, trying to set it up so I can get at least one good shot.

"Seriously, right now...don't even take a picture! Leave right now!" At this point I see that he has a phone. Holy he actually going to call the cops?

"Ok...have a happy new year," I call out, quickly snapping a picture, hoping it will turn out, but pretty sure it won't. And it didn't.

I'm pretty sure that he knows something about the untimely demise of that snowman...

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

It came to me in a dream

Just before waking the other morning, a phrase popped into my head:

"Greed is the ordinance behind what we do." OR it could be "Greed is the ordnance behind what we do."

What does this mean? Is greed a weapon (ordnance) or is it rule or regulation (ordinance)? Or does it mean I need to lay off the allergy medicine?

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

How many bumps in a 'G'?

Google in in braille today. I felt my monitor, but it's not bumpy...I guess we don't have that technology yet. Bummer...

Couldn't we have left Google as it was and just told the blind that it was in braille?

I'm just saying.

The uncomprehending stare of the hillbilly

It's been two months and two days since my last day at the box factory, and I love it. Don't miss it one bit. If you've ever seen where Homer Simpson works, it was a lot like that.

I suppose one thing I sorta miss is the uncomprehending stare of the hillbilly. I miss the experience of telling someone, "you should google that," and realizing they have no clue what the hell I'm talking about.

But that's the only thing I miss.