Monday, December 26, 2005

I hereby declare war on religion...but mostly Islam.

According to the polls, more Americans believe that there is a "War on Christmas" (42%-Fox News 11/29-30/05) than that there is a "War on Evolution"(33%-NBC, 3/8-10/05 and 41%-Fox News 8/25-26/99)...

And is Christianity under attack? I realize that comparing Gallup polls to Fox News polls is like comparing apples to propoganda, but nonetheless, I found this interesting:

FOX News/Opinion Dynamics Poll. Nov. 29-30, 2005. N=900 registered voters nationwide. MoE ± 3.

"Which one of the following is closer to your view? Religion is under attack in America today. Religion has too much influence in America today. The current standing of religion in America is just about right."
Under Attack 49% Too Much Influence 17% About Right 22% Unsure 12%

"Do you feel like Christianity is under attack in the United States today?"
Yes 59% No 37% Unsure 4%  

"Do you agree or disagree there is a war on Christmas in the United States today?"
Agree 42% Disagree 48% Unsure 10%


CNN/USA Today/Gallup Poll. Sept. 19-21, 2003. N=1,003 adults nationwide. MoE ± 3.

"Please say whether you approve or disapprove of each of the following. How about [see below]?"

"The use of federal funds to support social programs like day care and drug rehabilitation run by Islamic religious organizations"
41%approve 56%disapprove 3%no opinion

"The use of federal funds to support social programs like day care and drug rehabilitation run by Christian religious organizations"
64%approve 34%disapprove 2% no opinion

"Display of a monument to the Ten Commandments in a public school or government building"
70% approve 29% disapprove 1% no opinion

"Display of a monument with a verse from the Koran, the holy book of the Islamic religion, in a public school or government building"
33% approve 64% disapprove 3% no opinion

Don't you love it when people who have every conceivable societal advantage bitch about how they're oppressed?

Saturday, December 17, 2005


Winter is finally here! And, more importantly, the snow is here! Lots of it! Good, wet snow...they call it "heart attack snow" or "widowmaker snow", due to the propensity of elderly men to collapse to their knees, clutching thier chest, wailing into the bitter wind, "This is the big one! Elizabeth, baby, here I come!"

This time of year I notice all the little miracles of nature, such as the geese instinctively flying south and the snowtard's spontaneous loss of the ability to operate a vehicle. Seriously, if you really think it's not safe to take your car over 10MPH, maybe you should just hibernate for the winter. As bad as the driving is around here in the winter, the thing that drives Sy and I nuts is Winter Parking Rules.

We first noticed the phenomenon of Winter Parking Rules several years ago. Winter Parking Rules state that if there is any visible snow on the ground anywhere, this allows you to park wherever the hell you feel like; you may straddle the lines in a parking lot no matter how little snow obscures them, park directly in front of entrances of buildings, thus blocking off any easy access for handicapped fact, you can park in handicap spaces if even a flake of snow is resting on the painted wheelchair guy symbol that serves to designate a parking space as set aside for the hanicapped. We've even seen people park between the rows of parking spaces, in the lanes that are supposed to be used for transporting your vehicle between the rows of parking spaces. They got a note from included the word "retard".

And then, of course, there are the people who decide to wait for a parking space near the front, thereby holding up everyone behind them just so they don't have to spend an extra 30 seconds walking outside. Seriously, if you're that adverse to cold weather, maybe you picked the wrong climate. Do everyone a favor and move to Arizona.

The interesting thing about waiting for a parking space near the front is that the people who are getting in the car, about to leave, are very reluctant to give up their awesome spot, even though it is of no use to them anymore. They become very territorial, plodding along, dragging their feet, even checking their oil, just to hold on to their coveted spot for a few moments more. Why these people aren't dragged from their precious parking spaces and beaten senseless by everyone who is waiting behind the guy waiting for that space is beyond me.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Just let me read your stupid rag already...

Now for some poetry, which, for all you know, wasn't plagarized:

New York Times?
New York Times?!?
You think you're better than us?
No way!

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Why I hate Mark McGrath...and no, it's not just because I'm jealous...

The first song I ever heard from Sugar Ray was "Mean Machine", and I was very impressed. It is an observable fact that I have better musical taste that almost anyone, and so a song that impresses me is by definition a very good song. Now, about a decade later, Mark McGrath is hosting the odious, vile piece of celebrity whoremongering masquerading as entertainment tv show Extra. What the hell happened?

Obviously, McGrath is yet another victim of "No Longer Hungry" syndrome. It's happened to the likes of Tori Amos, Paul McCartney, Pearl Jam, Kurt Cobain, and countless others. It's my hypothesis that when a band gets a big hit, and then lands a huge recording contract, that somewhere buried deep in the fine print of page 36, appendix B (or thereabouts) there's a clause that actually surrenders ownership of the artist's soul.

Or maybe it's part of the tax code...the wealthiest 1% get their tax break by deducting their soul.

Or maybe he got some sort of venereal disease that affected his brain.

Yeah, it's probably that last one...

Sunday, December 04, 2005

a new rendition of an old favourite: torture!

Oops, we did it again!

In the words of an old war hero who has not been "swiftboated" (lately), this whole issue of extracting information via "rendition"(Newspeak for torture) shouldn't be about who they are, but about who we are. Do we value our freedoms enough to do away with due process and lock away people for no other reason than we suspect they might be up to something? Can we realize the retarded logic in that previous question?

The "war on terror" is hard enough without giving the other side such great material...If we are the good guys, we need to start behaving as such. The global terror network won't be ultimately defeated militarily, rather, it will be defeated through our persistance in sticking to our ideals of liberty and freedom. If we show the world we are willing to trade in these principles like so much used Geo Metro, then wouldn't they be fools to trust us?

The terrorist threats we face today are the result of scores of years of illadvised foreign policy, and will likely take at least that long to fix. The quicker we are to abandon what we stand for, the less secure our future will be. Or we could just keep running around fighting a near invisible enemy...ask the Redcoats how that went...